trapped

I learnt something today:

When you feel down in the dumps, when you are in desperate need to rant to someone, when you cannot find the strength to put on a smile. That's when everyone disappears.

Everyone will turn away. Well, face it, noone wants to hang around such negative energy, right? They wouldn't want their day to end with a bad note. I don't blame them. It's hard to not be emotionally affected during my rants. That is why I don't. I refrain from showing any sign of sadness.

Call me a coward.

So what if this smile is a cover up? This big fat smile that is most probably fooling everyone right now. Giving them the perception that everything is a-okay. It's better that way, for everyone, including myself. 

I'm done trying to explaining and clarifying when they just couldn't care less about what I have to say. 

Sucks to be me? Tell me about it.

Still in search for a reason to smile,

Xiao Yan.